Helping your child who has been bullied

While you may feel a range of emotions at the thought of your child being bullied, it is important to remain calm. Getting angry or upset may make your teen afraid to tell you more, either to avoid upsetting you or out of fear that their online activities or time out of the house will be restricted. Here are 5 tips to help you help them:

1. Take responsibility

As a preventive measure, be aware of the role model you are for your child. Gestures or comments that seem harmless could influence their openness and empathy towards others. Recognize that bullying is a serious situation, and that action must be taken. Some parents were bullied themselves when they were young and think that it is a normal part of growing up. This is not the case.

2. Help them develop ways to protect themselves

Look at every moment of everyday life as an opportunity to build your adolescent's self-esteem and assertiveness. Give them tips (such as standing up straight, speaking without hesitation, holding their head high). Encourage them to name and express the emotions and concerns they feel. They need to learn to identify what's bothering them and then say things, firmly, without getting into a cycle of violence and inappropriate words. Don't hesitate to role-play with them.

3. Assess the situation with your adolescent

Can they change the situation by making their boundaries clear? Do they have allies? How much bullying is going on? Above all, don't encourage violence. If the problem cannot be solved through dialogue, seek help from the school principal or someone in authority.

4. Encourage them to seek help from a professional at their school

Victims are often afraid to speak out because bullies threaten retaliation if adults find out. Some may be afraid of being seen as a “snitch” by their peers, feel embarrassed, or even ashamed. Others may feel that telling will make the situation worse, that adults will be unable to do anything or will try not to get involved. Teach them that telling a trusted adult is the only way to improve the situation. If necessary, consult a school psychologist, special educator, or psycho-educator for support.

5. Intervene as a parent

If the problem occurs at school, do not try to resolve the situation directly with the bully or their parent(s). Use a mediator, such as a teacher, a counsellor, or the school principal.

• Tell your child to be patient. Even when adults get involved, bullying rarely stops overnight. While your teen may begin to act with more confidence, the bully will continue to bully in the short term. Over time, however, the situation will improve.
• Encourage the bully to make new friends. Going to a local youth centre or joining an after-school activity (at school or a community organization) can be an effective strategy.
• If your teen isn't talking to you, or if you suspect that they aren't telling you the whole story, check with their teacher and, if necessary, their school principal.
• Stay on top of it. Follow up with the principal to ensure that the problem is resolved. If the principal does not respond or does not address the issue to your satisfaction, notify the School Resource Centre. Still not satisfied with their response? You can file a complaint with the Commission des droits de la personne et des droits de la jeunesse.

If the problem persists and you sense that your teen is being deeply affected, don't hesitate to ask for help from a psychologist or a psycho-educator at the CLSC.  Remember there are many nearby community organizations that can help you!

References (in French)

Ministère de la famille, Intimidation
Éducaloi
Naître et grandir
PREVnet
Bien-être@l'école