8 ways to help motivate your teen
January 22, 2021 Well-being
Parents
" When you want to, you can!" Who hasn't used this expression to try to motivate themselves to complete a task, hold a social gathering or other activity? Indeed, motivation is something that fluctuates. But why does it fluctuate? And what are the factors that influence it?
By definition, motivation refers to the reasons and interest we have in doing something. In other words, motivation is the heart of our actions. When there is a lack of motivation, it is usually because we do not feel that there is a sufficient gain involved...
The concept of gain is totally subjective. Indeed, what is considered a gain for one person may not be for another, and vice versa. For example, your teenager protests when they are asked to clean their room. If they don't see any benefit in doing this task, their lack of motivation is not surprising. Understanding how motivation is stimulated and how it is maintained may help.
If your young person feels that their opinion and ideas are being valued, their motivation will be higher. By discussing the possibilities together, you and your teen can develop a collaborative relationship that creates a sense of empowerment, trust and respect!
Pillars of motivation
Motivation is based on 3 fundamental pillars: Importance - Confidence - Readiness. These pillars are required for a person to be active, to do a task, an activity, etc.
Importance refers to the personal desire, how important it is to the person. Confidence is determined by the person's perception of their own ability to do it. Finally, readiness refers to the feeling that the person feels ready and willing to do it. As a bonus, having the freedom to choose to do something willingly helps to increase motivation.
Barriers to motivation
Since motivation is fragile, it is easily hindered by obstacles, including resistance. Resistance occurs when we insist and push in an imposed direction. These are some of the factors that increase the risk of resistance:
- Trying to convince the other person to take action
- Listing the benefits of taking action and only taking a position in favor of that side
- Telling the other how to do it
- Warning of the consequences of not getting active
- Asking for something beyond the other person's current capabilities
How to engage and cultivate motivation
Since motivation is rooted in 3 personal pillars (importance, confidence and readiness), the work should focus on these areas. From the outset, opening a conversation without judgments or offering advice is highly recommended. This of course comes with the challenge of being understanding and accommodating, while maintaining your own rules and boundaries at home. Taking the time to listen to your child's reasons for their lack of motivation can provide a rich source of solutions or innovative alternatives.
8 ways to motivate your child
- Put them in an active role in finding solutions
- Solicit their point of view, their perception
- Propose alternatives (if requested!)
- Explore their current values and interests
- Look at past positive experiences, what has worked well in the past
- Recognize your child's hesitation as a chance to find a different solution
- Avoid imposing your choices and ideas on them
- Maintain an open, accepting, and understanding relationship rooted in the idea that your child's reality is different from yours, in terms of culture, relationships, life experiences, and reference points.
Reference (in French)
André Jauron, Ergothérapeute – Psychothérapeute, IUSMM. Comment renforcer la motivation de son proche atteint, décembre 2017.
