Parent testimonial

My daughter, who was still in elementary school at the time, was flabbergasted at her brother's behavior. She said to me, "You know, Mom, I'm never going to do that. I'm always going to want to be with you and I'm always going to want to hug you." I looked at her with a big smile on my face, knowing deep down that it wouldn't always be like that. And that's perfectly normal, since it's part of healthy teenage development. As time goes by, they develop autonomy and demand more and more independence. They need to expand their sense of belonging, but this time with their friends. I knew all this perfectly well... in my mind.

A series of changes

After the first few months, they got their bearings and the changes began. Since entering high school, I have watched my kids roll their eyes like never before. I have seen them embarrassed when I tell jokes in front of their friends, heard them tell me that I don't understand anything, seen them talk on and on and on to friends. I have also seen them worry about their appearance, talk about love, and use language that we don't use at home.

Soon, the friends became the heroes. Their styles and their attitudes changed. The moments alone in their rooms began to become more and more frequent. And this is normal. Teenagers they are entering the world of grown-ups and they feel a certain freedom. This freedom is both exciting and anxiety-provoking for them. As a parent, it's important to constantly remind yourself of this.

Parents need to prepare too

Only after high school began did I realize that, all this time preparing my children for this independence, I had forgotten something important: preparing myself as a parent. I had not measured what these changes would do to my heart as a mother. I experienced a range of intense emotions and I had to take a step back. Exploration and new things are right there in front of them. Even if, at times, I feel overwhelmed by all this change, I know in my heart that I must continue to accompany my children throughout their lives. I know that my presence, my constancy, and the structure we provide as parents reassures them and helps them grow up healthy.

As a parent, I know that my children still need me, but in different ways. And that took some getting used to. The tools they have been given since they were born, they will test them, they will put them aside and maybe try new ones. They will follow their desires and their discoveries. They will want to make decisions for themselves, and they will be influenced by others along the way.

I also know that talking about prevention rather than caution is much more impactful.

A discussion rather than a lecture

Coaching and mentoring my kids on how to use social media rather than lecturing them and telling them it's not okay; making sure they have a meaningful adult around them who they can turn to if they need to; cultivating trust through following guidelines rather than constantly criticizing them... accepting that you are no longer the center of their universe. They need this to become the person they are meant to be.

The importance of a good foundation

The growing distance doesn't touch our bond... it is there to help my child develop their autonomy and grow as a person. As parents, more than anything, we need to continue to provide a framework despite the resistance. We need to trust them and the foundation we have given them.

During adolescence, many changes happen quickly within the school walls. It is the beginning of life’s rich and exciting adventure, with its ups and downs. But with openness, good communication, respect, support, and love, we can all get through this season of life in a constructive way. As children and parents, we move forward with new bearings. Give yourself time, and be kind to yourself and to your teen.