Adolescence + Friendship + Social Media = Explosive Mix?

Maybe some of you have been lucky to keep that bond of friendship alive after all these years, while others have only vague memories of it. Your teens, on the other hand, are in that phase where friendship is everything. There was a time not so long ago when friendship meant walking up to your friend's house, knocking on the door, and hoping they would be there and available to play. In today's era, however, it is defined more by the various social media platforms that allow young people to engage with friends 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... you get the idea. 

Friendship 2.0

From our perspective as parents, adolescence, friendship and social media can be an explosive mix. Teenagers are in a natural phase of experimentation, full of trial and error. This is perfectly normal. Friendships are an ever-growing feature of the teenage years and young people invest a lot of value and a lot of time on them. 

As they move toward greater autonomy, teens will demand more freedom. They want the right to choose their friends and their activities (often through social media networking). Parents still have to provide structure in this context, but this framework must gradually adapt to their teenager's growing ability to take responsibility for their choices. 

How does social media affect friendships during adolescence?

It's a very valid question, but one that needs to be answered in detail.  We can start by deconstructing the bigger picture: adolescence, friendships, and social media.

Adolescence

As parents, we've all been through the teenage years. Unless someone has found a time machine to bypass that whole period of change, questioning, and new experiences, everyone has had to deal with this reality. So, I invite you to think back to that stage in your life. Think about how much your own parents were worried about you as a teenager. Think of the times they would look for us, call our friends' parents, and be told, "No, they're not here, I thought they were at your house!"

Considering that teenagers are the same today, in the modern era (wanting to experiment and test the limits), it's important to equip ourselves to better understand their reality, which is colored by the omnipresence of social media.

Teenagers are in a natural phase of experimentation, full of trial and error.

Social networks

Before we continue, please note that the terms "social networks" and "social media" both refer to the same platforms and are interchangeable. These platforms include Instagram, Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat, YouTube and more. Some parents might even like to brag that their children do not have a social media account! Unfortunately, this does not make them immune to its affects.

Your kids are at risk of suffering the consequences, whether they use the platforms or not. They can easily find themselves there against their will (for example: in friends' photos, in conversations where their name is mentioned, etc.). On the other hand, remember that social networks are not tools of terror created solely to complicate the complex challenge of parenthood.  What do young people find so appealing about them:

• Having fun
• Staying in touch
• Passing the time
• Expanding and maintaining their social network

Friendship

Friendships play a big role in their lives and these friendships are no longer limited to after-school and weekend outings. Friendships are present at any time of the day via social media. Facebook friends, Instagram followers, "Snapchat fires," (which refers to the number of days online that someone has been spoken via this app) all play a part in this new teenage reality. Some things, however, do not change. While their friendships can be created, nurtured, and even destroyed online, it doesn't change the fact that friendship at its core remains pure and fundamental.

Friendship isn't just quantitative, for example, being THE most popular or having a ton of Instagram followers. It is also qualitative, the fact of having "real" friends.  You may hear your teenager say, "He's just my Facebook friend, but he's more of an acquaintance than anything else." This demonstrates that despite the presence of a universal term, "friend," the meaning is not the same across contexts.

Still feeling lost?

Rest assured, the important thing in all this is not to become a perfect and flawless parent. The goal is simply to demonstrate your sincere interest in your teen by remaining open to their reality. Here, it’s important to remember the importance of good communication. Who knows, maybe you’ll even learn something!