When teenage love rhymes with cyberviolence

What is cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is an increasingly common phenomenon that affects many teenagers. It often takes place in relationships that young people have via social media networks. Cyber-violence in romantic relationships is therefore occurs primarily among young people using technology. This type of violence is known for its controlling nature which can easily be passed off as an act of love.

When you learn that your child is currently experiencing cyber-violence or has experienced cyber-violence in the past, you may be concerned. The disorienting feeling of wanting to secure your teen's well-being and safety is completely normal. You may even be confronted with new information that you weren't expecting. For example, learning that your teen is sexually active, that they are attracted to young people of the same sex, or that they've shared intimate photos of themselves online.

Is your teen reluctant to tell you?

As a parent, you may have a strong reaction to this news. However, be aware that parental reactions can have a significant impact on how likely your teenager is to confide in you the next time, but more importantly, on who they will want to confide in. Because each parent reacts in a different way, it helps to know how teens generally perceive their romantic relationships.

The first romantic relationships develop during adolescence. So, you may notice that your teen is confiding in you less and in his or her friends more. You may also wonder why your teen is behaving in new or strange ways. This period of questioning is perfectly normal, as your teenager tries to build an identity and adapt to the many changes that are happening within them.

Throughout this period, teenagers are looking for independence and increased autonomy. However, no matter what your child may say to you, they need your guidance as they move through this important stage. 

 Young people like to keep secrets, and even if you’re the most open-minded and attentive parent, your teen may not be telling you everything! By being a good listener with your teen, you'll put the odds in your favor to make room for such discussions.

How to recognize the warning signs?

Young people who have not had many romantic experiences do not always recognize the red flags and are more vulnerable to cyberbullying. As your teen moves through the various stages of adolescence, it is likely that he or she will begin to develop romantic relationships with other young people.

Young people, in search of meaning and deeper connections, may misinterpret a situation in which their partner demonstrates jealous, controlling, or aggressive behaviors. In such a situation, the teenager may interpret these behaviours as an expression of their love.

Some questions your teen may ask themselves

• Does this person really love me or are they trying to control me?
• Is this person using manipulation to change my mind?
• Do I feel uncomfortable or isolated when this person contacts me?
• Do I always have to justify myself to make this person believe me?

By asking themselves these questions, the youth should be able to see if they are in a "toxic" relationship. The abuser often wants to take control and will make unfounded accusations that will make the victim feel powerless. You can therefore support your teen and encourage them to denounce this type of violence, but above all, continue to give them the tools to have the courage to talk about it. For more information or for support, you can refer to the LigneParents, SOS Violence Conjugale, CAVAC, among others.

References (in French)

Association québécoise Plaidoyer-Victimes, La cyberviolence dans les relations amoureuses des jeunes : Guide pour les parents
S.O.S. Violence conjugale, Oui c'est violent