5 reasons to talk to your child about consent

Consent can be given in a variety of situations, such as consenting to care, friendships, sharing intimate photos, or participating in an activity, whatever the nature of the activity.

For consent to be valid, it must be given in a free, informed, and continuous manner. This means that the consent must not have been coerced in any way and that the person must know and understand what they are consenting to. Next, for consent to be ongoing, the individual must ensure that they remain free and informed throughout the activity in question. It is also important to note that consent can be withdrawn at any time.

Talking about consent with your child

That said, it may help to feel a little more equipped when it comes to talking about consent. You don't have to be a specialist or know for sure that your teenager is sexually active to open the discussion. There is no such thing as the right time; you often have to create the opportunity. It''s an important topic that applies to many different aspects of life, so it's necessary to open up the dialogue. Your child will also know that you are available to discuss the subject at another time if they wish.

So how do you talk to your child about consent in a light-hearted, yet still effective way? The following are some of the key concepts to discuss. 

Talking about consent with your child allows you to:

1- Name and respect limits

As children get older, they are quickly taught what intimacy is, what their limits are, and that they must respect them. This is personal and different for each person. By the time we reach the teenage years, these boundaries may have changed and that's normal! They just need to be re-evaluated to make sure they are continually respected.

2- Understand the importance of consent in many areas of their lives

The notions of free, informed, and ongoing consent apply to much more than sexuality. Whether at work, in a friendship, or in any interpersonal relationship, it is always important that each person consents to the situation at hand. Peer pressure is an example of consent that is not free.

3- Be aware of the repercussions of not respecting consent

Consent is first and foremost a form of respect. There can be major repercussions in the life of a person whose consent has been violated. There are long-term repercussions that may not be visible but may be very damaging and irreversible.

There are also legal issues to consider at the criminal level.

4- Learn to respect each other's choices

Teaching your child to respect another person's choices also contributes to the development of empathy. It means being able to put oneself in the other person's shoes, to become aware of the guilt that can be caused by insisting. In this way, the young person understands that if the other person agrees under this pressure, the consent is no longer valid.

5- Promote healthier relationships

Behaviors and attitudes can signal a real willingness or a lack thereof, which is why it is important to be attentive to these cues. It is equally important to confirm your perceptions with the other person. This is called enthusiastic consent. If a person communicates his or her agreement verbally, but his or her attitude does not seem to agree, this should not be overlooked. Communication in all its forms is therefore an essential tool for consent, and for healthy relationships. Consent can also seem more difficult to ask for in a sexual context. This is why it is necessary to be comfortable asking for it in other relationship contexts. In this way, consent can become more fluid and natural, even erotic in the right circumstances.

A parent’s role in teaching consent

As parents, you are a role model. For example, by offering your child the choice of whether or not to kiss a family member, you are showing your child that it is possible to say no, to assert consent and boundaries, and to have them respected. You are being sensitive to your child's behaviours and attitudes. You are also respecting their choices and encouraging their assertiveness. This also shows that you are someone they can trust.

Help your child learn their limits and to find ways to ensure that their consent is respected. For example, with humour or by working on their self-confidence. Teach them to listen, be open, and be sensitive to others.

You don't have to be an expert but do encourage your child to open up this dialogue with you and with others. Consent is everyone's business and above all, it's about respect for yourself and others.

Reference

Éducaloi