Managing emotional crises

It's an overflow of emotions that your young person is expressing in unpredictable ways. When faced with a crisis, do you ever wonder: "How could I have prevented this storm? Learning to recognize what causes emotional crises can help you develop strategies to defuse them.

What is an emotional crisis?

An emotional crisis is an accumulation of emotions that manifests itself through very intense actions. In fact, certain behaviours often signal the start of a crisis. It can be mental or physical agitation, physiological reactions, or behavioral changes. An emotional crisis occurs when the person yells, cries, screams, threatens, breaks or throws objects, is aggressive, etc. In short, an emotional crisis can be recognized by a loss of control when emotions are running high.

What leads to an emotional crisis? 

An emotional crisis can occur without warning, just as it can happen following accumulating tensions, disappointments, or frustrations. Normally, 4 main categories of reasons can explain the onset of a crisis:

 1- Injustice:

The person in crisis feels that their rights and freedom are being violated. It is possible to hear phrases such as: "It's not my fault", "I didn't do anything", "I'm always the one being punished" or "Why me ...".

2- Emotional evocation:

This is triggered when the current situation brings back an unpleasant memory from the past. The crises resulting from the emotional evocation can have such a force that it leaves those involved puzzled and at a loss.

3- Accumulation:

This occurs when a person in crisis experiences overlapping frustrations. This is the last straw. This is a very common reason - when one accumulates tensions for a long time and reaches a point of no return.

4- Acute stressors:

These are sometimes difficult to pinpoint during the explosion. Acute stressors refer to internal and external factors such as substance abuse, medication side effects, unmet needs, physical pain, family crisis, and stress in general.

Embracing the crisis 

Once the reasons for the crisis are clear, it is important to adapt our approach in order to welcome it and try to defuse it. Often, when faced with a crisis, one's natural reflex is to get carried away and shout louder than the person in crisis. However, this creates a clash that will ultimately lead to a dead end. Research has shown that it is better to be in an active support role, rather than being reactive. A welcoming posture will allow for collaboration, which will bring us closer to a return to calm.

Defusing a crisis

Defuse, pacify, manage are all words used to speak to our ability to support our young person during an emotional crisis.The word pacify reminds us that we need to put the crisis into words! This means trying to get your child to talk to you in order to help them let go of their anger, while trying not to let their strong emotions or aggression get the better of them.

De-escalating a crisis is a two-person process, involving the young person in crisis and an adult. We do not recommend that both parents intervene. This could increase the emotional tension (and unfairness!) for the child. Furthermore, remember that although you are defusing an emotional storm, sometimes there can be several outburst cycles where the person in crisis regains strength and escalates. Be prepared for this emotional charge and most of all, be patient!

How to defuse 

First and foremost, the priority is to ensure everyone's safety. It is recommended that you never engage in crisis management if you feel uncomfortable. So, if you feel safe and willing, you should let your young person in crisis express themselves. Demonstrating a genuine and authentic openness encourages confidences. Keeping calm and being a beacon is reassuring. But fighting fire with fire is harmful in an emotional crisis. 

The calm before the storm

Ideally, you will want to prepare yourself in advance, to envision your possible game plan for your next trip into the eye of the storm. So, take the time to observe yourself and note your strengths and areas for improvement during your teen's emotional outbursts. Next time, you'll be proud to have weathered the emotional storm with new tools!

Reference (in French)

Tiré du Programme Apprendre à se rapprocher sans agressivité, document de recherche provenant du Centre de recherche de l’Institut universitaire en santé mentale de Montréal.