Growing up “here” which is also “elsewhere”

Through my work, I have the opportunity to meet with teenagers. I enjoy taking the time to listen to them talk about their daily lives. I especially love that moment when the conversation, under a casual guise, takes us one step further. They remind me of my own adolescence and all the questions that used to make me anxious.

"Who am I? How do I define myself? For or against? To replicate the model or to escape it at all costs?"

Every teenager faces these questions and it's completely normal. However, for the young people I meet who come from immigrant backgrounds, they take on a very special meaning. 

The reality for young people from immigrant backgrounds

Teenagers who grow up in a country and a culture that are not their own are faced with difficult life choices. Each step towards the culture and values of their host country can be painful for them. The family cocoon, in other words, is where the foundations of a child's personality are built.

Many contradictions

In many immigrant families, the young person learns emotional interdependence. This means that:

• Their personal development must be for the benefit of the family unit, as required of each family member.
• The family will be present and closely involved in all stages of their life. The family provides security and benevolence in the face of the outside world.
• Guidance from their family will be a part of all important decisions that the child will have to make, even as an adult.

In parallel, the Quebec school system, which is often their first contact with the host society, teaches something else. Among other things, the young immigrant learns that:

• The individual is at the center of their own development.
• He must be autonomous in all aspects of life, including one's emotional life,
• Actions will be taken according to one's own judgment, independently of any external influence.

These are some of the many contradictions facing the immigrant teenager.

So, who should they be? Should they turn their back on their family? Can they do so without feeling like they are betraying them? It’s not surprising that the struggle to define an identity will be marked by feelings of guilt for many young people from immigrant backgrounds. Sometimes this process can even generate tension and anxiety.

Supporting parents

That is to say, we can accompany them according to the values and models they have chosen from each of the two cultures: one of origin and one of reception.

We must accept to accompany our teens in this way and reassure them about the way we will regard their life choices. Our common goal, I am sure, is that this quest for identity will allow them to become a happy and fulfilled adult, aware of their value and their unique richness.