I'm worried about my teen, what should I do?

Each young person evolves at his or her own pace, depending on their experiences, personality, and environment. So how do you distinguish between what is normal in adolescence and what is not? How can we observe our teenager's evolution without anticipating the worst and creating catastrophic scenarios?

A typical adolescence

So, how can you determine if your teenager is behaving abnormally, given that they are a unique and developing individual? First of all, adolescences is typically characterized by:

1. The search for self and identity (values, tastes, interests)
2. The need to belong with friends
3. Pleasure before responsibility
4. Risk-taking
5. Awakening of sexual curiosity
6. Rebellion and seeking independence from family
7. Contradictory moods and emotions

Thus, so-called normal adolescence impacts of a ton of dynamics as it unfolds, which makes it even more difficult to distinguish what is normal from what is problematic.

Observe

In determining whether your concern is well-founded, 3 key elements should be considered: change in behaviour, duration over time, and the presence or absence of signs of improvement. Observing whether these indicators are present will help validate your concerns with a professional. However, you should never self-diagnose your child based on your impressions and fears, but rather on observable evidence.

1st indicator: Change in behavior

Behavioral change can be the most difficult to confirm during adolescence, since young people are in the midst of developing their personality, interests, options, and values. The nature of the change in behavior, however, needs to be identified. In other words, is it a change related to one's growth, personal development such as a stronger attitude, new musical interests, etc.? Or is it a change that could develop in a more problematic way, such as using drugs, defying rules, missing classes, being disrespectful, etc.

2nd indicator: Duration

This second indicator often confirms concerns about changes in behaviour. For example, a young person who experiences a break-up with a lover, a quarrel with friends, or moves to a new school may behave differently. However, since these changes that are directly related to a specific situation, our concerns may dissipate. That said, the duration over time is very loose and subjective, since teenage heartbreak can last anywhere from a few hours to several months.

3rd indicator: No sign of improvement

The third key indicator points to the evolution of the teen's condition. If your teenager has a significant change in behaviour that lasts over time and does not improve, it is a sign that there may be psychological distress. In other words, if your teen is getting worse and developing new behaviours that are just as worrisome, it's time to seek support.

Where to turn for help?

So, if our observations and discussions with our teenager show that he or she has changed his or her behaviour, that it lasts over time and that it is getting worse, where can we turn to confirm our assessment? Opening the discussion with your teenager is always recommended as a place to start validating your concerns.  We are not trying to guilt-trip, second-guess, or diagnose. We are looking to provide an opportunity for your teen to express the need for help.

Before seeking out a specialist, you may want to look at the community and public resources available. The available educational videos and documents can give you the tools you need to adjust your interactions with your teenager.

If you feel that this is not sufficient, you can seek the help of school professionals. They have expertise in working with young people on a daily basis and they are well aware of the issues associated with adolescence.

Of course, medical advice is sometimes necessary to clear up any doubts. Your family doctor can do routine tests and if everything looks good physically, a referral to a mental health specialist can be provided. 

Don't panic

It's easy to assume the worst when observing our teenager. However, before you panic, remember that even adolescent experts agree that categorizing what is normal and abnormal in the teen years is a daunting task! So, trust your parental intuition and when in doubt, seek out your network and support from professionals who will be there to help you through the daily challenges of accompanying your teen as they develop.

References (in French)

Être parents, Syndrome de l’adolescence normale